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“Why I like to be the passenger and let my husband drive…”

My marriage is very traditional and built on Christian values. God is first and surrounds our union. He’s our help, our guide, and our provider. He is who we go to daily to make sure that this thing lasts forever.

Now my husband, he is the driver. He is the head of our household and I am his help mate. I am comfortable with him driving because he has shown me that he can. He takes us in the right direction, and I follow his lead. Even when we fall off course, he knows that he can look to his passenger (that’s me 😊) and I will be able to jump in the driver seat real quick.

My husband has always been an excellent driver, and that’s one of the things that attracted me to him as a teenager. When we were teens, he would take me to a parking lot to teach me how to drive. He was patient, we listened to each other, and I was able to get around all of the cones and speed bumps. I didn’t know it then, but I see those experiences as God preparing us for marriage. There are a lot of hurdles and turns, but we are able to drive through them. However, we always need our passenger. We can’t do it alone. And we have to be willing to learn from one another and trust God to be our guide.

So yup, I’m cool being on the passenger side. And I am thankful to have a God fearing man who is not scared to take the wheel and drive.‪#‎WifeDiaries‬

Valentines Day???

Valentines Day? Is that something that married couples celebrate? Would you be upset if you didn’t receive a gift from your husband on that day?

I can remember Mr. Johnson and I going out to dinner on Valentine’s Day a few years ago. I wore a red dress and I was pregnant with somebody. I got real cute that night and we had a great time. In the years that followed, we started to do less and less on the holiday because we honestly go on dates regularly and there’s no shortage of “gift giving” in our marriage. And to be quite frank, I could care less about an overpriced box of chocolates.

Before you say “there she go being bitter…” (in my Janet Hubert voice. Hey original Aunt Viv!), I’m not being bitter at all. I love LOVE and I enjoy seeing people post and share there plans and gifts on social media. I think its cute. I just don’t think that the whole valentines day “big to do” is for me. Besides, my birthday is the following week and that’s way more major than a bootleg rose and teddy bear from the hustle man on the corner.

So what are my expectations when Valentine’s Day rolls around? I don’t really have any. We kind of made it about the kids. We will make cute little heart shaped cookies with our children and let them participate in Valentines programs at their schools, but all we need to do to “celebrate” is simple. We need the kids to go to bed on time, peace and quiet in our home, and a relaxing evening on the couch. Sounds boring, I know; but the best gifts that my husband can give me are his time, love, and affection. But if he surprises me with a pair of shoes on February 14th, I won’t be mad at the brotha! LOL ‪#‎wifediaries‬

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Johnson Family Photoshoot 2015

Hello! Here are the Johnsons 2015 Family Photos!!! Anyone who knows me knows that I am crazy about my family pictures as well as my holiday cards. I literally obsess over them all year long and drive my husband crazy so that my cards are on the doorsteps of our loved ones on Black Friday. It is the one tradition that I am happy that I started and am most excited about. I love creating the memories and seeing how the children have grown year after year.

I developed this years theme/color scheme around my oldest daughters skirt. I knew I wanted to do something a little different this year, so I decided to play around with prints and try a royal theme. We did a similar theme a few years ago with our all black photoshoot (which was my favorite by the way), but I wanted to add a little color this year.

For the record, my husband is not a fan of family picture day, and neither is my oldest daughter. They just do it because they know it makes mommy happy and I will love them forever for that. LOL. I hope you like the photos as much as I do smile emoticon

Below is the info of the people who made this whole day possible –
Photographer: Ward Legacy Studio
Makeup: Lydia Lawson Ward
Girls Dresses: Leenray
Hair: Shannon Riley (Shanae)
Erika Alston (Jolie)
Shanae Johnson (Jordyn)

Feel free to share this post. I am already brainstorming for next year! ~Shanae xo

Wife of 32 Years Responds to Conversations with Mr. Johnson Date Night video

Sometimes, when the feedback from the post is so good, I can’t help but share it. Wife Diaries member, Erma Smith (I call her Ms. Erma), responded recently to the video that I posted where Scott and I discuss the importance of date night. (Well, not really. Our discussion was SUPPOSED to be about that, however, it kind of turned into a “Should date night be once a week” debate. In case you missed it, click HERE). I shared the video on our Facebook group page and received a ton of different perspectives from the other wives. The feedback was great, however, Ms. Erma’s response really stuck out to me. She is a military wife who has been married a little over 32 years. She has three adult children and never hesitates to share her experiences and wisdom with Wife Diaries. Please see her response below.

“Shanae’, Ya’ll are just toooo funny!! It seems Scott was trying not to put his foot in his mouth when he mentioned “need space”….lol. I think when he said that, what he meant was he wanted to get up and holler when the game got good….but don’t want to push you off of him…. {that would be my husband too}…. I believe some men might agree that once a week may get a little too much in a month. Some get burned out and just want to stay home and relax even though to us women, is just staying home when we want to get away for a few hours. To change “date night” title into something else is still considered date night no matter what you changed it to… Just saying… I do agree with him somewhat on scheduling or asking if he has any plans for the next “date night” or “going somewhere night”. I know throughout our marriage life, I was the one who planned the weekends, the get aways and what have you….its because no one was going to do it…or they have no idea where to go while I have list of places to go…places to see…..And he is right about “Life happens”….KIDS!!!…JOBS!!!! MOVING!!! Like you Shanae, I wondered what it would be like when our kids were grown and gone. What will our lives be? I asked my husband that question and he said he never worried about that cause all he wants is his wife back….back to just us. When the kids were younger, we didn’t live close to our parents but had neighbors that volunteered to watch our kids….we took their offer one day and that was the last time, as when we got back, our daughter had a big ol do hickey on her forehead! She fell on something and had a big knot on her head and we never left the kids again. But, we did our date nights when the kids went to bed. We would spend the time just catching up on each other on the couch with candle lights or outside in the backyard…..that was our first 10 years of marriage…..then LIFE happened again and got busier….he crossed over from the Navy into the Army and got really busy…..I got pregnant with our youngest but at the same time, I was also busy with the Army wives going through the same thing our husbands going through training….our date nights became non-existent except when we were both home at night in bed…..with a new baby and his new position, it was hectic….but we decided to utilize what time we had together…..He had a lot of studying to do and I studied with him….so much that I knew all the answers to all the questions he would bring home….then we also had to think about our kids…..Sunday was mandatory Family day….no matter what was going on, we had to go to church, then lunch with the family and family time after that….be it going bowling, playing football with them….taking them to the water park or whatever…..Sundays was a must…..Believe me, there was a lot of sacrifices going on those days…I started not to like all the studying cause I got burned out on the hours and was so tired….but I never let him know….I kept studying with him…..I wanted to make sure he passed all his test(flight school)…Its funny now…we laugh about it…but we were together….that was all that mattered….Some people thinks that by going on date nights means spending money….you gotta be creative….I use to pack a picnic basket with food and go to his work for lunch….he was lucky that he had an hour and half to spend lunch with me…people use to envy us and wish their wife would pack them lunch or do what I did. I even sent him flowers to work one time just to let him know I was thinking of him….When our daughter got a little older to babysit, Charles and I would drive around the surrounding area of the new place we moved to….that was our date….we use to catch the matinee for $1!!! I believe there are still some theaters open on post/base that is cheap….

I understand what Scott is saying about asking if he has plans before making plans for you both. I was guilty of just assuming nothing going on because I didn’t plan it….while he enjoys going out, he also enjoyed staying home…doing the yard…things to do around the house….that was relaxing for him…He really doesn’t know how to relax….he can’t sit still for a long time…he’s a busy body….but its relaxing for him….So, I invented “its my turn this weekend….then your turn next weekend to plan what we are doing”. If its just staying home, then so be it….as long as we are together…..Then after he came home from a long deployment, he decided that he wants Friday and Saturday date nights….a few of his soldiers got wounded or killed and he didn’t want to waste time not being together…They were all close to home….We hit a rough patch along the way and we thought it was wasted time…we agreed that life is too short to waste on petty things…on who’s right or whatever….Now that we are empty nesters , we miss our babies, but this new chapter of our life had showed us that we still like each other….love each other much more than yesterday and even more tomorrow….All because we keep dating….every which way but loose….NOW….I told him that after our daughter’s wedding, that I am temporarily stepping back on making plans/decisions on our next vacation. He is to plan it all….hotel, plane…destination. I’m sure that he will ask our daughter for help (like he always does. He thinks I don’t know…lol)…But I must confess….and it was an accident on my part….I heard him on the phone making plans for my birthday in Oct….lol…Love this video of yours!!! I had to replay it again to take down some notes and point some out…lol….love both of your point of views!!!”

Thanks to Ms. Erma for providing her feedback and sharing her wisdom with us. I feel like I could sit on the porch with a glass of something and chat with her all day! 

Shameless Plug: If you are a wife and you would like to discuss the trials and triumphs of your marriage while lending and receiving advice on related topics, join Wife Diaries! We will be happy to have you!

My Insight After 24 Years of Marriage….

Guest Blogger: A. Lisa Atwater

Yesterday was our 24th wedding anniversary. As I reflected back over my marriage; I had one bipolar moment after another. See my marriage hasn’t been cookie cutter perfect. It hasn’t been cute in a box. It’s come with blood, sweat, and tears. We haven’t mastered this thing; but we have figured out how to work this thing into something GREAT!!

We married when I was 19 and he was 23. We’re now 43 and 47 and Lord knows we have changed A LOT!!! Physically we don’t look the same…well maybe I do; him not so much. LOL Our finances have changed tremendously, we’ve matured a whole hell of a lot, We don’t depend on parents like we used to, we don’t party like we used to, we don’t go from job to job like we used to, we are selective in who we allow to mentor us, we removed old friends and got new friends, we got closer to God; you get the point.

What hasn’t changed and will always have to remain in order for this marriage to continue is RESPECT! The moment my husband feels he can disrespect me; will be the death of this marriage. Don’t get me wrong; we’ve had arguments and we’ve said things we didn’t mean in a heat of an argument; however what I’m talking about is consistent verbal, physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, etc abuse. When there is no remorse or ownership for actions. Blaming others for your actions. Repeatedly accepting behavior an abuser wouldn’t accept themselves.

I’m all about forgiveness; however I’m not about forgiving and continue in a destructive situation. Who said you can’t forgive and move on and forward without Mr Do Wrong???? Consistent bad behavior doesn’t stop over night or in days. Change comes from work and actions. You forgiving doesn’t make the bad behavior stop. I want to encourage those of you who are accepting bad behavior to set up residence in your life; to remove it. If someone WILL NOT LOVE YOU WITH A CHRIST-LIKE SPIRIT; GOD HAS NOT SENT HIM TO YOU!!!

I really would like for some of you to stop thinking God is in your mess. HE most definitely is NOT! He didn’t tell your habitual cheating husband to come back or to accept him back, he’s not telling you to keep putting yourself in more debt, he didn’t tell you to stay with someone who makes you cry sad tears every day, he will NEVER tell you to stay with someone who beats you and verbally traumatize you. The God I’ve read about is a God of order. Nothing about a habitual abuser is of God.

You have to know you’re worthy of what God has for you. Please don’t get it twisted. The devil is full of trickery and if you aren’t armed with what God says; he’ll fool you every time.


Conversations with Mr. Johnson: Should Date Night Be Once a Week?

Hey Y’all! So Mr. Johnson and I did another video. This one is about the importance of dating your spouse. As you will see in the video, we both have different ideas of what a date is. However, I think that by the end of our conversation, we had a better understanding of why it is so important to make date night a priority. I hope you enjoy it! Remember to comment and share your feedback  😀 

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